this is it.

see it here

nothing sticks to these walls where our chords clash and our voices struggle and the friction of our tempos holds us together. I rub my melody against yours and see the flames by which we will warm ourselves in the coldest part of the year, and it's good to know that though I spend all day reading the words of dead men writing about things they couldn't understand, it's good to know that though I fight to defend something I don't want, it's good to know that though my destiny is a dream deferred and is pacing in its cage and growling deep in its throat, it's good to know that though we spend every day toiling to pay for the upkeep of our prison cells--it's good to know that there's a canyon somewhere: stretching from here to there, broken hearts hanging on the trees, you can see the blue-eyed fools digging in the gold dust, sifting through the gold dust, searching and bending with their ears to the ground, because they can hear the ticking of clocks.

<< This may be the most frightening individual I have ever seen.

Top Ten Adventures I Would Like To Have

1. London, England (again) -- writing retreat, exploration, reading. To live in a shabby flat and burn with excitement all day, maybe squatting, work hard at some job and write and write and write, eight or ten pages a day, from October through April.
2. Venice, Italy -- writing, reading, exploring. To lounge in gondolas, eat gelato, pretend it's the roaring twenties, go to masquerades, sit by a dingy window and write madly in the last light of day and eat dinner by candlelight with beautiful Italian men. And other people, too.
3. Aspen, Colorado -- hiking, reading, writing. To stand hot and breathless on a ridge-top and stare out on a long green-and-blue view with the wind cool on my sweaty skin; to ride a horse through a flowery meadow and wander in a stream and stare at mountains. To work at a place that's rescuing animals, maybe dogs and cats or horses, or wolves.
4. Serengeti National Park, Tanzania -- exploring, writing, reading. To stare at the views all day, watch lions, and dig giraffes. And feel very small and grow up a lot.
5. Tuscany, Italy -- writing, walking, reading, exploring, meditating. To take long walks with beautiful Italian men, stare at hills, go for long walks by myself, write in a quiet room at dawn.
6. Stockholm, Sweden -- exploration, writing, work at some culturally advanced place.
7. Berlin, Germany -- same as Stockholm.
8. Paris, France -- same as Stockholm.
9. Tibet -- meditation retreat. Sitting in a cool, dim
10. The Great Pyramids, Egypt -- exploration. Staring in awe up at the pyramids, wandering through their dank passages.

President Barack Obama                                     Ms. Kestrel Slocombe
The White House                                                 1 College Drive
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW                           Bennington, VT 05201
Washington, DC 20500
                               

February 16th, 2009


Dear Mr. President,



I am writing to you for several reasons. Firstly, because now that you are elected, I feel that I can for the first time express my thoughts and feelings and have a chance of being truly heard. Secondly, I am writing to you because in my mind, the environmental crisis is far and away the most important issue in the world at the moment, as it will inevitably effect and perhaps threaten the lives of every creature on this planet. Thirdly, I am writing to you because when I think of the possible destruction of our environment, I am afraid. And lastly I am writing to you because I love: I love my country, I love humanity, and most of all, I love this ancient, tiny, fragile planet we inhabit.
Caught between love and fear, I am taking the only action that I can, at this moment in my life: I am reaching out to you, a man who has a better chance than most of changing the future of this planet and all the life that teems upon its surface. This letter was spurred not only by my own building feelings of love and fear, but by two articles I read yesterday on the BBC’s website. The first began as follows:

I am sure that you find this statement, coming from such a reliable and well-educated resource, as grim as I do.
    Last Tuesday, I was hiking with friends in Napa Valley, California, and we were discussing global climate change. Very soon, the topic turned to overpopulation, and we expressed our impassioned astonishment at how the issue of the world’s out-of-control population rate has completely fallen out of most social-political discussions, even as it is one of, if not the key factor in the environmental crisis. Then, yesterday, I came upon this second BBC article, which begins:

    I am frightened by how little attention this issue receives. More generally, however, I am frightened by how most Americans seem to be so oblivious to the true magnitude of the calamity approaching: the destruction of humanity, plant and animal life, and eventually our planet itself, as a direct result of our activities on and overpopulation of the earth, and our failure to recognize the consequences of either.
    I realize that the American government has a lot on its plate. We are faced with the economic crisis, health care issues, education, two wars, poverty, terrorism, immigration, social security, and much more. But, as you surely know, the simple and brutal truth is that unless we address the economic crisis with all the attention, all the energy, intelligence, hard work, and economic resources available to us, the rest of our problems will suddenly become utterly insignificant—and not because we’ve solved them. If we fail to address the environmental crisis in a radically new and comprehensive manner, we will very soon have no country to have an economic crisis in, no health for which to care, no children to educate, no young people to bring back from the Middle East, no land to defend from terrorism, no jobs to give or not give to immigrants, no elders who can enjoy the benefits of social security.
    As I believe this, I am writing to you to ask that you now step forward and do all that you can, with the influence that you have, to bring the American government’s anti-global warming activities to a new level. I believe that we need a new environmental initiatives committee to take the reins of a revolutionarily bold, proactive, and daring campaign to literally save the world—for, as you are of course aware, the magnitude of the task facing us is truly no less than that.
    I imagine that you would support the creation of a committee such as this one—a committee that might include such individuals as Lisa Jackson, Howard Learner, and Al Gore.
    I believe that it could be the first action of this committee to launch a massive education agenda that would raise public awareness of the true magnitude of global warming. In my mind, a comprehensive education of the American people is at the root of the radical, societal change required to effect the necessary change in our world. This program would include an extensive advertising campaign, as well as the publication of a slim manual that would, in clear and intelligent language, address the following questions:

    These are obviously just a few points that could be addressed in this volume, which could include much more information as well, and would subsequently be published in enormous quantities on recycled paper and distributed nation-wide. It would be available for free in public locations (libraries, stores, restaurants, hotels, offices, supermarkets, etc.) across the country.
    This is, in my mind, a crucial first step in the fight to save our planet and ourselves; I am sure that with your experience, you can think of many more ways to take on the colossal challenge. Now more than at any other point in our history, our future is in our own hands. We need strong, dynamic leaders to help us sculpt a path into the new world that awaits us.
    I thank you for your time, for all your good work, and most of all for your love of this magnificent planet. May we keep it intact for many generations yet to love and cherish as much as we do.

                Yours truly,
_________________________________________

I am sending various versions of the above letter to the following recipients:

Honorable Al Gore
2100 West End Avenue
Suite 620 Nashville, TN 37203

President Barack Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500

Honorable Lisa Jackson
USEPA Headquarters
Ariel Rios Building
1200 Pennsylvania Avenue, N. W.
Mail Code: 1101A
Washington, DC 20460

Mr. Howard A. Learner                 
Environmental Law & Policy Center           
35 East Wacker Drive, Suite 1300                
Chicago, IL 60601-2110

Really! God! There were guns involved! What kind of a hero do you think I am? Leave me alone! Stop punching me! *Eddie izzard baboon sounds*

[best]
female friend:: In life: jinx. can't live without the girl. At school: ray_chal . couldn't stay at bennington without the girl.
male friend:: God. dddHAHAHAHA
food:: yeah, mochi. I gotta say mochi.
drink:: Earl grey tea. or assam. Can't decide.
time of day:: THE EARLY EARLY NIGHT!!!

[last]
thing you ate:: Gala apple
thing you drank:: water
person you said i love you to:: jinx 
person you saw:: Natasha down the street.
time you showered:: this morning, at like 11:10.

[today]
time you got up:: 7:30 AM
wearing:: a mixture of blood, sweat, mud, tears, and placenta. It's been an interesting day.
planning to do/doing:: stop being such a fucking emo loser. fuck.
person you want to see:: jinx .
thing you want:: satisfaction.

[tomorrow]
planning to do:: jog--breakfast--work--dinner--sniff glue.
planning to wear:: probably some leftover placenta.
who are you planning to see:: chalissa. Yeah, I'm gonna crash the Annandale-on-Hudson party, bitches.
where are you planning to go?: into the city. and back. probably by way of a few trash cans.
what day will it be?: fucking wednesday.

[favorites]
color:: blue.
band:: the beatles, the band, or bob dylan.
movie:: the movie of my fucking LIFE.
tv show:: CNN. the daily show. the history channel.
store:: the place wid food.

[current]
love:: things that distract me from myself.
hate:: Myself. Yeah, I'm unoriginal.
need:: peace
want:: love
worry:: that i won't achieve my goals.


...Wow, nice last question, guys!! Real upper! Real great! I'm going to add my own fucking category.

[yesterday]
occupation:: a fucking rock star, what else?
hearts broken:: well, all the pigeons seem a little disappointed.
battles fought:: alfred Hitchcock wanted my grape popsicle. god! who knew.
wars won:: 4 in persia and 3 in Appalachia.
how you died:: wrestling an angel.
aaaahhh cute--happy--thing:: talking to jinx .

What does my search history say about me? We'll see. These are things that my search history (mainly google and google images) has saved:

"i love you really"
"i remember just before we met" lived the life
"incredible journey"
"incredible journey" book
"incredible journey" flying
"incredible journey wallpaper"
"it's all too much" lyrics
"it's you" lyrics what words could be plainer or truer or saner
"james taylor"
"james taylor" dog
"james taylor" early
"jen sembdner"
"john heddon slocombe"
"john bellairs"
"jon savage"
"jour d'ete a la montage"
"keep your hands off my baby"
"kosmo vinyl"
"kris needs"
"lancashire accent"
"levon helm"
"levon helm" 1972
"levon helm" last waltz
"lion king"
"lion king" simba
"london hudson"
"loving you is sweeter than ever" the band
"music echo" magazine
"my president" t-shirt
"neil young" 1968
"neil young" 1969
"neil young" buffalo springfield
"never came down" david bowie
"nick kent"
"of montreal"
"oxford dictionary of world history"
"people without chins"
"peter max"
"prince william"
"public enemy number one"
"rebel without a cause"
"rebel without a cause" "in london"
"rebel without a cause" british audience
"rebel without a cause" x-rated London 1956
"rebel without a cause" international success
"rebel without a cause" reaches england
"recall san francisco at all" el paso personal
"retro travel"
"richard manuel"
"rick danko"
"rock against racism"
"rock and roll creation"
"sins of the fathers" 14:18
"social change" "steven vago"
"stanford prison experiment"
"stormy weather" lyrics all i do is pray
"student employment"
"sugar chile robinson"
"symbol of poverty"
"symbol of wealth"
"symbolizes poverty"
"symbol of poverty"
"taste the rich life" million
"the beatles" desktop
"the clash" joe strummer
"the clash" nike
"the collected works of mahatma gandhi"
"the enlightenment"
"the fantastic flying journey"
"the farewell" art
"the farewell" art deco
"the farewell" georges barbier
"the hours and times"
"the leader" clash lyrics
"the locarno" bristol
"the redwalls"
"the scream"
"this land" lion king
"till the twenty-first century"
"tina fey"
"top rank" sheffield
"true news"
"underground scene" London
"underground scene" London 1955
"violent revolution"
"want peace?" "want war?" "anything goes"
"we are through being cool"
"women are human"
"women are people"
"women are"
"wrote for punk magazine"
"you don't know what it is or why it's there" art
"you're going to wake up one morning and know"
"your long journey" given us years of happiness here

Now like the snake cast off your skin of evil thoughts and wicked sin
and there’s no reason to let go of anything but there’s all the love in the world holding on to all of this
I close up the doors and turn out the lights and judgment has no home no place thank you, thank you for your contributions
but we stood somewhere inside of a million years of solitude your face was the light swimming in the tunnel as I crawled and cried and looked into the deepest well and throw down my wishes and listen to them strike and hit upon the rock and pray for wishing well
and this is the sound of dreams deferred
and how long will you wait
and you can’t deny humanity’s desire and words fail me and silence reigns and in the iconic ironic dispute land
where beauty folds in on a countertop next to a wife’s beaten hands holding a beaten heart and the heart sings in a bloody puddle with a thin black voice
and tenderness is everything, tenderness trembles and laughter crackles and brown skin screams and black eyes flash
and there is no such thing as civilization and there’s beauty in the crumbling concrete
and what do you believe and how will you be silence and where will you pour your softness to set into legends of kindness
that won’t be true in that glaring smile that blinding laugh
cast this all off, hate gets you no where, you know, you know it’s a silly self-indulgence
and you must turn out the lights and open the window and let the cold stream in and out.

You make grand and colorful plans and watch them fall flat again and again, clean out the cavities in your life and wear out the weakness until it falls away to leave the strength below.
There’s something about being alone that I crave, to heart my heart falling in the darkness, to see the light growing in the silence, to let go and watch everything unravel at my feet.

Fame quickly becomes too much. You have to imagine the pressure, pressure building and heavy and someone needs to help him carry the weight, or mybe just help him escape it.
You have to get the hunger. Fame eats you.

Silence encases the whirling planet and we ran up flight after flight of stairs, gasping,
a spear stabbing you repeatedly in the side until on your knees you fell out onto the roof where the wind was making the city sway
and a lone man out there was beginning to feel like Atlas,
and the end must be better then all promises of the middle.

You hate being the same, hate every semblance of similarity.
Everybody wants to be completely and utterly unique because if you were not than there would be no point to you living, and you might as well just die, hadn’t you? I think you’d better had.

Had had hal hat spaceship training launch for Carolina I’m going somewhere wild like mexico in my mind.
I’m flying thousands of miles to be alone at the end of the world.

You don’t have to legitimize your life. You don’t. you don’t. you don’t have to explain yourself. You don’t. you don’t. intuition is enough. You do it because it’s right. Let go of reason. No explanations. The artist does not explain, she does. She does, and she grows old. I have a wart on my knows and ten thousand years of knowledge in my head and a cat with a million years of knowledge on my shoulder. I will stir